We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
