She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
