Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize