Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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