I think my vagina is haunted
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
