I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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