Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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