Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize