Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
