I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
