you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
