i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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