I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
