Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
