ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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