and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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