I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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