Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
