I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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