: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
