she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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