porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Randomize