You can't motorboat a personality
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
