I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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