don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize