i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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