Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
