Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
