i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wear drunk well.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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