Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
