it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
