remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize