Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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