he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
