yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
