I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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