So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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