mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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