wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
