And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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