Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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