u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
