I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
