i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
