I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
its not stalking. its research.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
