she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
