I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm really busy with my period
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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