so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
