Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want nice things and good sex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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