Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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