Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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