guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
