apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
