You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
