Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
