Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
