It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
