I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
