I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
