where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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