I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
