I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
