It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
