Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
