im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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