He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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