There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
