oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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